Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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