He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When did angry sex become our thing?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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