i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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