her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize