Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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