Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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