I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
