If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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