I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
