why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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