yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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