Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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