is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
