Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
