This dress was meant to end up on your floor
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
