It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
