Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
