Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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