No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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