Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
