i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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