Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
