Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
