bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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