So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
