When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize