you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
