I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
