dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My Higher Power is John Stamos
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
