That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
