Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
