I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
