his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
