I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
