I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
