Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
