That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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