To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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