He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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