I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
