im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize