Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
