coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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