No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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