i will never coherently bang her
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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