i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
