He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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