Swine flu is the new snow day.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
