You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
