i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
