i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize