Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
