I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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