Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
