i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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