Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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