dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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