Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
