You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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