Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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